Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Oh the blood of Jesus....smells funny?
On Tuesday, November 26, 2013, our church held its annual "Night of Thanks". I decided to take Colin with me. It was my hope he would love singing and would listen to the message given about Paying it Backward. A message about only one of the lepers returning to thank Jesus. Before the message, communion was given. Colin asked me what it was. I did my best to explain. Before I took communion, he asked if he could smell it (juice/wine). Once I was finished he took the cup from me, smelled it, and said, "It smells funny". The innocence of a child warms my heart. If he only knew how much it glorified God that he, at age 4, wanted to know what it was, what it smelled like. What it reminds me of is that Jesus was a baby. A defenseless baby dependent on his mothers care. This time every year makes me think of what Mary went through, being his mother. Knowing what would happen to him; and the roles reversed, she, defenseless to help him. It also brings up a painful memory for me; a pregnancy loss. My second child was due on 12/24/10. For 10 amazing weeks; I thought I was pregnant with my second child. An empty ultrasound. I believe in life from the point of conception, so if there was a child, it was too small to be seen. But though the sorrows may last through the night, Joy comes in the morning, because on 12/24/10, I was able to share with my family I was pregnant, again, with Nicholas. Although I don't understand everything, I believe God is in control; and only good can come from that. I didn't have Colin take communion. I want him to truly understand what Jesus did for him, for all of us. I can't wait for that day! He did start to sing, "Bless the Lord, Oh my Soul, Bless the Lord, Oh my Soul, Let everything within me, Let everything within me, Let everything within me, Bless the Lord." Thank you Jesus for the gentle reminders that we have nothing to fear. Amen!
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Come Rest
I know I'm not the only person to feel like they have to be everywhere all the time and get everything right the first time. Can I get an Amen? Well, today, I did my usual listening of talk radio and the gloom and doom that is to come. I felt myself getting overwhelmed in trying to fix some problems. So I started to listen to my music. Next thing I knew I was in a puddle of tears. So I went to the restroom to wipe my tears and fix my Rudolph nose, to no avail. It got me thinking of what I tell my son, Colin, when he gets overwhelmed. I say "Breathe....Calm Down....Shhhh". I have said this so many times to him, that he will now look at me, when feeling overwhelmed, crying hysterically, and say "I need to breathe". I'm the only one who knows what he means. It's how we communicate our sadness, and then take the steps to help one another. Well, today, I need to breathe, and calm down. I searched for this particular song including short message; and it was exactly what I needed to hear.
It's called Come Rest by Lindsey McCaul
It's called Come Rest by Lindsey McCaul
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Matthew 18:20
I let things bother me. Too much. I know the bible says not to be anxious; but I find it so hard to apply to my life. Why is that? Why are some parts of scripture so easy to obey and others not? I often allow the enemy to get into my head; to tell me I'm not worthy of God's love. Why do I let him do that. I obsess about certain decisions I have made in my life and how I went about them.
I remember very clearly the day I was baptized. I had several conversations with a dear friend. A friend who would sit with me for hours, if need be, to answer all my questions about God. All the what-ifs. His name is Mike Wallace, and I am forever grateful for his friendship. I remember sitting at work; and just getting this feeling that it was time. Time for me to let go of control of my life and hand it over to the Lord. I called Mike. He called our pastor. They met me for lunch; to make sure I was making a conscience decision. We went to the church. Another dear friend, Tyeece, brought her son. I wanted her there, too. She was also a dear friend, and my boss. Mike baptized me. I remember a feeling of peace come over me; a feeling much like I was standing in a pool of rubbing alcohol, and not water. Like all the bad was fleeing from my body. It was one of the most amazing feelings I had ever had.
Since then, I have gone through good and bad times. Times of distance and closeness to God. I have often questioned myself if that was the right way to do it. Should I have done it during a Sunday service? I'm not sure. But I think God is telling me it is fine. He is telling me to stop obsessing. I had been thinking about it on the way home today; and Matthew 18:20 popped in my head.
"For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst."
Well, there were 4! I feel kind of silly that I obsessed for so many years. Not because there were 4, but because I doubted. I just see him, much as my earthly father does, shaking his head at me, and telling me that is why he is losing hair. And saying, "maybe one of these days, you'll listen to me".
I love you Lord Jesus!!
Amen.
I remember very clearly the day I was baptized. I had several conversations with a dear friend. A friend who would sit with me for hours, if need be, to answer all my questions about God. All the what-ifs. His name is Mike Wallace, and I am forever grateful for his friendship. I remember sitting at work; and just getting this feeling that it was time. Time for me to let go of control of my life and hand it over to the Lord. I called Mike. He called our pastor. They met me for lunch; to make sure I was making a conscience decision. We went to the church. Another dear friend, Tyeece, brought her son. I wanted her there, too. She was also a dear friend, and my boss. Mike baptized me. I remember a feeling of peace come over me; a feeling much like I was standing in a pool of rubbing alcohol, and not water. Like all the bad was fleeing from my body. It was one of the most amazing feelings I had ever had.
Since then, I have gone through good and bad times. Times of distance and closeness to God. I have often questioned myself if that was the right way to do it. Should I have done it during a Sunday service? I'm not sure. But I think God is telling me it is fine. He is telling me to stop obsessing. I had been thinking about it on the way home today; and Matthew 18:20 popped in my head.
"For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst."
Well, there were 4! I feel kind of silly that I obsessed for so many years. Not because there were 4, but because I doubted. I just see him, much as my earthly father does, shaking his head at me, and telling me that is why he is losing hair. And saying, "maybe one of these days, you'll listen to me".
I love you Lord Jesus!!
Amen.
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Spiritual Time Out
Is there a "time-out" chair in heaven? If so, it has Jaime written all over it.
Church was difficult tonight. I started off in a good mood; and then, as happens a lot, Pastor Josiah says something or quotes scripture that just strikes me. It's like the feeling of hitting brick wall. What scripture was it? I'm so glad you asked!
As soon as I saw it; I began to cry. By the time he was done reading it; I was in a puddle of my own tears. We took communion. Then I was in a bigger puddle of my own tears. That verse is special to me because it's what got me through all the stress and worry of Colin's unexplained fevers between birth and two years of age. Every time I would think this is the time they are going to tell us he has cancer; or some incurable condition. His condition is incurable; unexplainable, but it won't take his life. I'm thankful for that, but sometimes I forget whose in charge, and I forget to thank him.
You see, Wednesday night is our prayer service. My group was praying for people with cancer, people who didn't know Jesus; and broken marriages.
I realized I don't take the time I should to give thanks to God. He has blessed me and my family in so many ways. All my little worries seemed so petty tonight. God, I thank you for the gentle reminder that I'm not the one in charge. Sometimes I need to be reminded of that. So I give it all to you. I long to be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in ALL circumstances, for this is your will for all your children in Christ Jesus.
Church was difficult tonight. I started off in a good mood; and then, as happens a lot, Pastor Josiah says something or quotes scripture that just strikes me. It's like the feeling of hitting brick wall. What scripture was it? I'm so glad you asked!
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
16 Be joyful always, 17 pray continually, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.As soon as I saw it; I began to cry. By the time he was done reading it; I was in a puddle of my own tears. We took communion. Then I was in a bigger puddle of my own tears. That verse is special to me because it's what got me through all the stress and worry of Colin's unexplained fevers between birth and two years of age. Every time I would think this is the time they are going to tell us he has cancer; or some incurable condition. His condition is incurable; unexplainable, but it won't take his life. I'm thankful for that, but sometimes I forget whose in charge, and I forget to thank him.
You see, Wednesday night is our prayer service. My group was praying for people with cancer, people who didn't know Jesus; and broken marriages.
I realized I don't take the time I should to give thanks to God. He has blessed me and my family in so many ways. All my little worries seemed so petty tonight. God, I thank you for the gentle reminder that I'm not the one in charge. Sometimes I need to be reminded of that. So I give it all to you. I long to be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in ALL circumstances, for this is your will for all your children in Christ Jesus.
Friday, July 12, 2013
My Ministry - The Pregnancy Pantry
God keeps reminding me that I have a gift. The gift of helping people. I love to help people. Even if it is helping someone out of a reckless situation they willing got themselves into. If they need help; we should help. While in the car, an idea popped into my head. Why not start a ministry to help mothers with the essentials of having a baby. I remember being very stressed about how we were going to afford a new car seat, crib, clothing, formula, etc.. You name it; I worried about it. Would it affect a pregnant women's decision to keep her child, if she knew there was a place to get goods for her baby, that didn't have to do with government assistance, but rather, generosity from those who love Jesus. People donate to food pantries. Why not give items of necessity to new mothers? For example, Breast pumps are so expensive; yet the idea is you will save money since you won't have to buy formula. What about a new mom who doesn't have someone to throw her a shower; thus, doesn't have much, and can't afford a pump. What if she works full time? I'm not sure how I'm going to make this happen or if this is even possible, but I love this idea. Anything that will glorify God is worth pursuing. Maybe something like this already exists; but it would never hurt to have another one. I have a lot of unanswered questions, so if you'd like to help, let me know.
Monday, May 20, 2013
Irene's Song
Putting some of my feelings on paper tonight while thinking of my grandma. I just wrote a song. Here it is. **One thing though, I want to point out that when I say "Wishing it all would end". I'm not referring to anything bad, just another way I saying "why can't everything be perfect". Happy reading or singing!! Love you Grandma Gifford. Everything is going to be OK!!! Trust in God's perfect love, and know Gramps wouldn't want us to be sad all the time.
Irene's Song
Feeling overwhelmed I walk up to the alter
There’s always a first time for everything
I fall to me knees and lay my head in my hands
These days I am content about nothing
And just when I’m about to give up
I feel something on my shoulder
We are your church, we
are your people
Broken and helpless,
in need of a savior
Do with us what you
will
As I lay here broken-hearted
Wishing it all would
end
That’s when I feel a
hand on my shoulder
That’s when I feel your
hand
I lie awake at night
Content about nothing
I have a wonderful husband, two babies, and a home
What is so wrong that I feel so empty sometimes?
With all the love that surrounds me
We are your church, we
are your people
Broken and helpless,
in need of a savior
Do with us what you
will
As I lay here broken-hearted
Wishing it all would
end
That’s when I feel a
hand on my shoulder
That’s when I feel your
hand
Be my comfort be my peace let me know you are there
Help me understand all I should be thankful for
Comfort me oh God in this time of despair
For all that I want is to know you more
We are your church, we
are your people
Broken and helpless,
in need of a savior
Do with us what you
will
As I lay here broken-hearted
Wishing it all would
end
That’s when I feel a
hand on my shoulder
That’s when I feel your
hand
I am your daughter
I am broken
Do with me what you will
As I lay here, I refuse to be broken-hearted anymore
I don’t want to wish for an end
For that is not what you would have for me
So instead I will raise my hands
Feeling overwhelmed I walk up to the alter
Seems like we meet here, again and again
I’ll give you all the glory; I will give you all the praise
And I'll show you by raising my hands
Jesus – I raise my hands.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Waiting......
Something just dawned on me. I call these moments my "light bulb" moments. I listen to christian music, almost exclusively. No, not because I think other music is bad, or the "devil's" music, but just because it's what I like. Its uplifting. It makes me feel better, about myself, the world, etc. I just realized that a lot of my favorite songs, or songs that have the most impact on me involve the concept of waiting. While waiting is mostly associated with negative things; like lines, doctor visits, or hospital waiting rooms. Waiting on the Lord is not negative; but can feel like it in the moments in our lives where sadness comes in. For example, waiting for labor to be over so you can see your new baby; waiting for your daddy to wake up after his pacemaker was replaced, sound familiar? Waiting on a diagnosis for why my son gets such high unexplained fevers, yet another. I'm sure each person who may read these has their own set of circumstances where waiting wasn't fun. But for now, waiting on the Lord, makes me smile. It's like waiting without waiting, because he is omnipresent. Everywhere at all times.
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait
(from Waiting by John Waller)
Waiting doesn't have to be a sad thing. Make your waiting count.
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait
(from Waiting by John Waller)
Waiting doesn't have to be a sad thing. Make your waiting count.
Thursday, January 10, 2013
My Brain: Divided
My brain is divided. The Left hates the Right; and the Right hates the Left.
As Inauguration Day is nearing, the political comments are heating up. With the tragedy in Connecticut still fresh in our minds, politics continues to turn times that need healing into times where our emotions can be toyed with . Politicians on both sides take full advantage of that.
With this new year, I am trying to do several things; one of which, is to not worry so much. So how does God start of 2013 with me? My pastor delivers a sermon on...you guessed it....not worrying. My mind is politically wired. It is hard for me to see things without a political perspective attached. Things I understand and things I don't understand come with politics attached. It is hard for me to not worry.
I don't understand how someone who is a Christian can support or try to defend abortion. President Obama, who I believe is a Christian, defends abortion.
According to ontheissues.org:
Voted NO on prohibiting minors crossing state lines for abortion. (Mar 2008) This speaks for itself
Voted against banning partial birth abortion. (Oct 2007) How does a Christ follower vote against this?
Blocked IL law: Born Alive Infant Protection Act. (Oct 2011) How does a Christ follower block something like this?
Opposed born-alive treatment law because it was already law. (Oct 2008) Has he opposed a law concerning the right to abortion because Roe v. Wade is already law. I don't think so. I could be wrong.
How does a Christ follower vote for someone, anyone, who agrees with the above? I know how in my head; but I can't reconcile this with my heart.
A half of a billion taxpayer dollars goes to Planned Parenthood every year. 1 abortion every 94 seconds. Abortion is legal via a decision by 7 of 9 supreme court justices. I'm tired of Christians or "the vast right wing conspiracy" getting the blame for the abortion debate. It's a liberal talking point. It's what they always go back to. Heck, the entire Democratic National Convention in 2012 was glorifying a women's so called right to terminate a pregnancy. People cheering. It made my stomach turn. Overturning the law won't end the debate or stop abortions. We must go deeper. Love and show compassion. But how?
I have two children. I had one miscarriage. I think I feel so strongly about this; because I don't understand how one can hear the heartbeat or feel the kick of an unborn child; and then say it's not a child. I had to have a procedure after the miscarriage that is essentially the same procedure as an abortion, but, clearly, for a different reason. It was a long emotional struggle to get over that procedure even though I had to have it done, or would risk infection. I couldn't imagine someone doing it on purpose. I'm not talking about women who have had abortions they regret; or women who are raped. I believe they need to be shown love and compassion; and receive help if they need it. Do not get me wrong, I am 100% against abortion, but I would hope that most women don't want to have one. I am talking about the woman who has two children; and then says if she gets pregnant with a third she will terminate. I have actually heard this. There are many ways to prevent pregnancy; and no they shouldn't be taxpayer funded (again, thinking politically). I know I am supposed to pray for those women as well. How do I do that; and mean it? How do I trust my heart to be true concerning a prayer for them?
And now, a well known Christian pastor had decided to forgo giving the benediction at President Obama's inauguration because some leftist group found quotes he said about gay "rights" 15 years ago. I challenge anyone to tell me what right I have that a gay person does not. I'm not intolerant. I just know and believe what the Bible says and will not treat it as a "living" document; that changes meaning as time changes. Again, I am supposed to love and show compassion. How do I do that with someone who won't listen?
I am supposed to pray for my leaders. How do I do that when I believe they are trying to orchestrate the demise of, albeit having its problems, the greatest country on the planet? Intentionally stirring up division among the wealthy and poor. It, quite frankly, sickens me. I'm tired of people who work and make a lot being vilified. I am not one of those people, but I can't seem to find in the Bible where it says the government should take from one class and give to another. It is very easy to quote Matthew 12:17 or Romans 13:1; when you are benefiting from government policies.
Do you know the Bible says? "For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: "If a man will not work, he shall not eat." 2 Thessalonians 3:10
I will do as the Bible commands, but it frustrates me that people who are able to work will use the ballot box to steal money from one group of people in order to give it to another. I thought the Bible commanded me to help the poor; not the government on my behalf. It breaks my heart to leave my children at daycare; and know my tax dollars are funding some who refuse to work; and coming soon, contraception.
So how do I pray about these things and mean it? This is a struggle for me. It's not that I don't want to pray for the President, etc., I just don't know the words to say.
I'm not perfect. I don't have all the answers. I am a sinner who lives in a fallen world, but I am supposed to love my neighbor. I want speak the Truth in love; and I am admitting I need help with that. Please pray for me to be able to figure this out.
I started this blog for and about my boys. I think of them and their future every time I post something, whether it is evident or not. My hope is that it will fade from being mostly political to something more inspiring for them. To know how their mommy felt about things that may affect them later on; and that she went from being worrisome to completely free of burdens. You know, to practice what she preaches!
My brain is divided. The Left hates the Right; and the Right hates the Left. With God's help, they will someday get along.
As Inauguration Day is nearing, the political comments are heating up. With the tragedy in Connecticut still fresh in our minds, politics continues to turn times that need healing into times where our emotions can be toyed with . Politicians on both sides take full advantage of that.
With this new year, I am trying to do several things; one of which, is to not worry so much. So how does God start of 2013 with me? My pastor delivers a sermon on...you guessed it....not worrying. My mind is politically wired. It is hard for me to see things without a political perspective attached. Things I understand and things I don't understand come with politics attached. It is hard for me to not worry.
I don't understand how someone who is a Christian can support or try to defend abortion. President Obama, who I believe is a Christian, defends abortion.
According to ontheissues.org:
Voted NO on prohibiting minors crossing state lines for abortion. (Mar 2008) This speaks for itself
Voted against banning partial birth abortion. (Oct 2007) How does a Christ follower vote against this?
Blocked IL law: Born Alive Infant Protection Act. (Oct 2011) How does a Christ follower block something like this?
Opposed born-alive treatment law because it was already law. (Oct 2008) Has he opposed a law concerning the right to abortion because Roe v. Wade is already law. I don't think so. I could be wrong.
How does a Christ follower vote for someone, anyone, who agrees with the above? I know how in my head; but I can't reconcile this with my heart.
A half of a billion taxpayer dollars goes to Planned Parenthood every year. 1 abortion every 94 seconds. Abortion is legal via a decision by 7 of 9 supreme court justices. I'm tired of Christians or "the vast right wing conspiracy" getting the blame for the abortion debate. It's a liberal talking point. It's what they always go back to. Heck, the entire Democratic National Convention in 2012 was glorifying a women's so called right to terminate a pregnancy. People cheering. It made my stomach turn. Overturning the law won't end the debate or stop abortions. We must go deeper. Love and show compassion. But how?
I have two children. I had one miscarriage. I think I feel so strongly about this; because I don't understand how one can hear the heartbeat or feel the kick of an unborn child; and then say it's not a child. I had to have a procedure after the miscarriage that is essentially the same procedure as an abortion, but, clearly, for a different reason. It was a long emotional struggle to get over that procedure even though I had to have it done, or would risk infection. I couldn't imagine someone doing it on purpose. I'm not talking about women who have had abortions they regret; or women who are raped. I believe they need to be shown love and compassion; and receive help if they need it. Do not get me wrong, I am 100% against abortion, but I would hope that most women don't want to have one. I am talking about the woman who has two children; and then says if she gets pregnant with a third she will terminate. I have actually heard this. There are many ways to prevent pregnancy; and no they shouldn't be taxpayer funded (again, thinking politically). I know I am supposed to pray for those women as well. How do I do that; and mean it? How do I trust my heart to be true concerning a prayer for them?
And now, a well known Christian pastor had decided to forgo giving the benediction at President Obama's inauguration because some leftist group found quotes he said about gay "rights" 15 years ago. I challenge anyone to tell me what right I have that a gay person does not. I'm not intolerant. I just know and believe what the Bible says and will not treat it as a "living" document; that changes meaning as time changes. Again, I am supposed to love and show compassion. How do I do that with someone who won't listen?
I am supposed to pray for my leaders. How do I do that when I believe they are trying to orchestrate the demise of, albeit having its problems, the greatest country on the planet? Intentionally stirring up division among the wealthy and poor. It, quite frankly, sickens me. I'm tired of people who work and make a lot being vilified. I am not one of those people, but I can't seem to find in the Bible where it says the government should take from one class and give to another. It is very easy to quote Matthew 12:17 or Romans 13:1; when you are benefiting from government policies.
Do you know the Bible says? "For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: "If a man will not work, he shall not eat." 2 Thessalonians 3:10
I will do as the Bible commands, but it frustrates me that people who are able to work will use the ballot box to steal money from one group of people in order to give it to another. I thought the Bible commanded me to help the poor; not the government on my behalf. It breaks my heart to leave my children at daycare; and know my tax dollars are funding some who refuse to work; and coming soon, contraception.
So how do I pray about these things and mean it? This is a struggle for me. It's not that I don't want to pray for the President, etc., I just don't know the words to say.
I'm not perfect. I don't have all the answers. I am a sinner who lives in a fallen world, but I am supposed to love my neighbor. I want speak the Truth in love; and I am admitting I need help with that. Please pray for me to be able to figure this out.
I started this blog for and about my boys. I think of them and their future every time I post something, whether it is evident or not. My hope is that it will fade from being mostly political to something more inspiring for them. To know how their mommy felt about things that may affect them later on; and that she went from being worrisome to completely free of burdens. You know, to practice what she preaches!
My brain is divided. The Left hates the Right; and the Right hates the Left. With God's help, they will someday get along.
Saturday, January 5, 2013
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