To my Gramps

I will always love you; I think of you often and miss you so much.  I'm so glad that I became super close to you.  I'm so thankful all those times you stayed on the phone with me for hours.  I miss that.  I miss your emails.  I miss helping you with your computer.  But I'd be lying if I didn't also say I am glad God came and took you home.  You were in so much pain.  I'm so glad I came to see you in early November.  I love your smile.   I don't think it was a coincidence that you sent Grandma to the store; before drifting into our savior's arms.   God taught me something through your death.  He taught me how strong a person I really am.   I remember telling you that you were immortal and would  never die.  I certainly realize how silly that is now.   We will all die; and I'm so thankful that I have a savior who paid the price for my sins, so that I could spend eternity in heaven, where you are waiting now.  Go Blues!

2012 in Review

I can't believe the year is almost over.  So many ups and downs this year.
The Ups:
I stayed healthy
Colin stayed healthy
My dad is still with us
Baby Nick celebrated his 1st birthday
I received a pay increase in one of the worst years our economy has ever seen

The downs:
Although healthy, It took me a long time to recover from surgery
Although we are getting closer, We still haven't payed off all our debt
I haven't figured out  a way to lose some weight
I'm starting to feel old
The re-election of a Marxist to the White House
The death of my grandfather

Why does it always seem that I can name so much more of the bad than good?  I have a good life.  I have two working legs, hands, a beautiful family, a house, running water, a car to drive, food to eat, heating and air conditioning.

A recent church sermon got me thinking about all this. As if I don't over think enough!

A couple things I know -

I will continue to work hard.   I will continue to pray and read my bible.  I will continue to try and teach my boys how to be hard working and respectful.  We will continue our quest to be debt free.  It will happen!

I'm very thankful for all the opportunities I have to make a better life for my family; and all the people involved in that process.  I'm thankful that God has brought so many new people into our lives from our church.  We became members at our church and participated in our first connect group from this year. 

I don't know what 2013 holds; but I do know that no matter how much I worry; All is well.

Bumbo Seats and Hot Cars

Bumbo seats are being recalled because babies can fall out of them.  Am I the only one who thinks this is ridiculous?  Of course babies can fall out of them.  You shouldn't leave your baby unattended.  I think it is a bit over the top that we need to be told that we shouldn't leave our babies unattended.   As a mother, I can clearly get the concept of having to be everywhere all at once.  I'm changing Nick and Colin is standing on the kitchen table, is an example that comes to mind.  Sometimes things will happen that we cannot control. However, recalling millions of baby seats that are for babies learning to sit only costs the company money and probably makes the next hot item more expensive.  They make trays to go on these seats. Even with that, I should never leave my baby unattended.   The questions becomes, " At what point do we take responsibility for our own children?"

I heard of another incident of parents leaving children in hot cars.  The kids suffered from heat exhaustion.  I don't recall if they died, in this particular case, but that has happened, too.  So now, some consumer group advocates for car companies to make alarms to prevent it.    I have sympathy for anyone who this has happened to.  To my knowledge, none of them intentionally left their children in the hot car, just for the sake of it.  They estimate the time won't be that long; or just plain forget.  How often have you been in a hurry and forget to do something?  But you would never leave your kid -  I wouldn't be so quick to say that. I will never forget the day I took Colin out of his car seat. I reached in the van to get a bag, and he was already in the street. There was a car full of teenagers coming down the road.  I was running to get him; scared to death they weren't paying attention.  Thank God they were; and stopped, literally, a few feet from him.  

I don't know what the answer is other than stop leaving kids unattended.   If you see a child in a hot car, or a baby unattended, do something about it.   Step in and help.  I don't think we need to create more of a nanny state where the government poses regulations on companies for "supposed" safety violations.  At some point common sense has to come into play. 

Great and Glorious

As Colin, Nick, and I were on our way home from the carnival at the Imperial Elks Lodge; I played the new CD by Phillips, Craig, and Dean.  The fist song is called "Great and Glorious", or as Colin calls it, "Soul Sings".  He has sang bits and pieces of several songs, but never have I heard him sing like he did tonight.  I turned on the video recorder on my iPhone.   I just hung it over my shoulder as I was driving. Safety first!  So don't pay attention to my purse; just close your eyes and listen to my son worship the Lord.  This makes a mama so happy!

Once we got home I tried to record the whole thing.  He was only cooperative through the first verse, but still so sweet none the less.

Chick-Fil-A : My views

It is Chick-Fil-A day, today.  Here are few thoughts:

I understand supporting your local business, but don't be a hypocrite. 
Go because you want to go, not just because you want to stick it those who disagree with you. 
Same goes for the other side.  It is ridiculous to boycott.  Just don't go there, but to call for others to boycott, or if you are certain Mayor use your power to try to intervene in the free market.   I personally see nothing hateful about what Dan Cathy said.  Certain Photoshopped logos are confusing him with Westboro Baptist Church.  Just wrong.  Both sides should leave the logo alone.

Some of you may not know this, but we live in a free market economy.  So, let the free market decide. 

If you know me, you know I can get a little excited when it comes to certain issues.  Here are some things I have said:

"There is a certain picture floating around Facebook that is confusing Chick-Fil-A with Westboro Baptist Church. So boycott someone just because they don't agree with you? Where is the "tolerance" in that? Tolerance works both ways. And as Neal Boortz always says, " If we all agreed on everything, then one of us isn't necessary". Calm down. If you don't want to eat there then don't. If you do, then go. Don't try to put someone out of business because they don't agree with. Same goes for all the people who got mad that Ellen was a clothing store spokesperson (i forget which one, and you know why if you've seen my wardrobe). Everyone just take a breath...and have a good day."

"Boycotting ChickFilA is just as ridiculous as boycotting JC Penney, in my humble opinion"

"You can discuss whether you agree or disagree with gay marriage, but Some of these signs are fake. There is a website you can go to to make it look like whatever you want. The word "hate" is overused to also a way to put down people you don't agree with. 
Dan Cathy said this, "Well, guilty as charged. We are very much supportive of the family -- the biblical definition of the family unit. We are a family-owned business, a family-led business, and we are married to our first wives. We give God thanks for that. We intend to stay the course. We know that it might not be popular with everyone, but thank the Lord, we live in a country where we can share our values and operate on biblical principles."


"What I am saying is "pro-hate" is all in the eye of the beholder." 

"You are right in that it may have little to do with freedom, but I am just as tired of the attacks and ridiculous manipulations of their logo because of his view on marriage. And the outright discrimination being displayed by certain mayors trying to block businesses. We all are treated equally under the law."

"I have been trying to stay out of this debate via facebook because I am very politically passionate (to put it lightly), but we are treated equally under the law. Women cannot marry women and men cannot marry men (unless you are in a state that allows it). "

" If a law does not exist in a state that allows them to be married, then both they and I are being treated equal. If a law does exist in the state that allows them to marry, then again, both they and I are being treated equal under the law."

"I don't think it is "rights" issue. Marriage isn't a right. If you don't like the law, then move to another state or change the law. Same goes for those who may live in a state that allows gay marriage, if you don't like it, either move or lobby for the law to be changed. I'm generally against Boycotts. The boycott against ChickFilA is just as silly as the boycott against JC Penney because Ellen was their rep."


I think I was respectful in those posts, or at least I tried to be.

I have also seen many posts by people of the Christian faith rebuking other Christians for speaking out on this issue.  

For the Christians rebuking Christians, where is the line between doing what Jesus wants us to do and pacifism or moral relativism?  

I find myself thinking How do I defend my faith without another Christian saying I'm offending the opposite party, and I need to walk a mile in their shoes. 

I'm being sincere when i ask this.  I'm struggling.....really struggling.  

Baby Nick is almost 1

 If you know me, you know I am an avid listener of Neal Boortz   This week at his radio station they were having their annual CareAThon for the Aflac Cancer Center.   It really made me appreciate the health of my two boys.   I can't believe how time has flown.  Nicholas will be 1 on August 19.  He has grown so quickly.  I thank God that he is a mama's boy and allows me tons of time with him.  He is almost permanently attached to my right hip when we are together.  He is such a happy little boy, being his mom seems so easy.  This week we are going to start giving him whole milk.  Little by little of course.  He is taking 2 to 3 steps at a time. I am sure he will be walking before we know it.  I feel so blessed, but am also starting to understand the heartache a mother goes through watching her kids grow up.   I'm trying to remember the point at which I stopped calling Colin, "baby Colin".  They will always be my babies, but how fun it is to watch them grow.  

It's funny to see how they react to things, like the first time they feel grass on their feet 

Or to watch brothers play   

or see them laugh as mommy makes funny faces in an attempt to get them to smile.  

 Don't judge! You know you've done the same!  Such sweet memories they will be.  

Always treasure your own and pray for those who are sick or suffering from cancer.  Some of the stories I heard today from such small kids who are so brave, and fighting cancer.  May God bless them and their families.

My Colin - 3 1/2 years later

With nothing to do this weekend because it is so hot outside, Scott gave me the task of going through the file cabinet and shredding everything that is old.  After checking the IRS and other various websites, I began to go through mountains of paper.  I came to a folder titled, "Colin Medical".  As I was going through throwing away all the EOB's, I came across a get well card from the staff at Cardinal Glennon's Children's Hospital.  I started to cry.  Then I began to remember.  It was from February 2009.  It was about 7pm on 2/10/2009, and I noticed that Colin felt a little warm.  I took his temp and it was 100.4, the temperature that we were told is at the point when you call the doctor.  So I did.  I was really hoping they would tell me to give him Tylenol and put him to bed.  Instead, they told me that since he was less than 12 weeks old, I need to take him to the ER.

Up to that point in time, I had never had to go to the ER, wasn't sure what to expect, and was kind of scared that, at that moment, his life was in my hands, because Scott was working nights.   I called Scott told him what was going on, and he met me at St. Anthony's.  By the time we got into a room, which wasn't long, his temp was at 101.8.   The ER physician came in, took down all the information, and then told us that since he was so young, they would have to do a spinal tap to rule out meningitis.  I was horrified that my little baby would have to go through that, plus, they made us leave the room.  At first, I was upset, but then realized it was probably better that I didn't watch, because I know I would have broken down, and not stayed strong for him.  When the procedure was over, they came to get us.  When we walked back in the room; of course, he was crying, so I just put my face beside his and being "shushing".  He slowly, yet surely began to go to sleep.  The results came back negative and we thought what a relief, now I can give him Tylenol, and we can go home.   Not so fast!  Now they had to test for Influenza A and RSV, so we waited, and both were negative.  So, again, since he was so little, and they couldn't find what was wrong, we had to go to either St. John's or Cardinal Glennon for a 24 hour course of antibiotics.  We went to Cardinal Glennon.

In hindsight, we should have went to St. John's, since that is where is pediatrician is from, but no big deal to us.  So they made us go by ambulance to the other hospital.  Once there, we got a room, and hooked him up to the monitors, and we began to wait.

Scott decided to go home, get some rest and clothes and come back up later.    He didn't make back; due to the fact that he got home, and then became horribly ill.   We were so scared over what might be happening to Colin, that we didn't put two and two together.  That is, until I became horribly ill several hours later.  It was like my world was crashing. I was supposed to be taking care of my 7 week old baby, and instead my little sister, Karlee, was taking care of both of us.  And she too became sick the next day.  Once we realized that either Scott or myself had come down with nasty virus, and given to Colin, who became sick the fastest, our minds were a little more at ease.   Hopefully, our bodies would follow.   I called my doctor's exchange   A different doctor from his office was on call.   I remember frantically explaining to her that I needed something to make me stop vomiting because I was in the hospital with  my little boy and needed to care for him.  She told me to start taking Imodium.  That didn't work.    I called back and asked if she would call something in to the hospital pharmacy; but she would not.  So I waited until the next morning, called, and spoke to my doctor's nurse, explained the situation, and thankfully my doctor didn't hesitate to call in a prescription for Zofran.  It is a wonder drug!  And my wonderful mother paid $82 for 20 pills.  I will never forget that she was stepped in to care for me, as I was caring for my own son.

So we are into the next day, thinking it would be a breeze from there on out, except I noticed Colin's diapers were getting very loose.  As it turned out, one of the nurses gave him a double dose of the antibiotic.   I was thankful that they came and told me.  I assume they expected me to be irate, but I wasn't.  I was thankful.  Thankful that this side effect wasn't from the unknown, like his fever.   So they put in an IV, in his scalp, of all places, and gave him fluids so he wouldn't dehydrate.  Scott was able to come up the next day and help.  We both slowly got better, and Colin was able to go home on the 13th.

Little did we know that over the next few years, he would go through many episodes like this, with the same result; it must be a virus.  I asked his pediatrician once if there was a "Dr. House" in St. Louis.  She said there was, and that he worked at Children's hospital.  So many more tests were done, so many blood draws, to no avail.

He still gets fevers, some as high as 106.  It's not parvovirus, it's not genetic, it's not periodic fever syndrome, and it's not cancer. They still have no idea why he gets them.  He has no other symptoms to help them figure it out.   So now, I chart when, at what temp, and how long his fevers last, and usually once a year we have the possibility of seeing "Dr. House" again.

Although they have yet to figure it out, if they ever will, I realize that I shouldn't worry.  I should trust in Jesus.  I have become stronger in my faith by walking with others who have gone through so much more than I have; like The Harms, or The Stanley's.

I remember holding Colin and crying, but I would (and still do) sing to him a song I heard in church.

Be joyful always; 
pray continually;
give thanks in all circumstances, 
for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 
(1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 NIV)

Colin is now 3 and growing so quickly.  That is one of the reason's I started this blog. To journal about my boys.  And hope that others will share in the experience.   

I love you Calyn Boo!

 

It's not always easy, but I choose to believe

Phillips, Craig, and Dean -  I choose to believe

Written by Dan Dean, Tony Wood, and Don Pythress
 [Performed by Phillips, Craig, and Dean]. On Breathe In [CD]. Fair Trade Services 2011 Songs from Exit 71/Sony/ ATV Cross Keys Publishing (admin by Sony/ATV Tunes LLC)

 Ever feel like a song was written specifically for you?  When listening to their new CD, I found myself  thinking back to my dad's heart attack and how I felt and all the questions, I had, so I decided to write down what I was thinking. If someone reads this who doesn't know me, Bill is one of my two brothers, Sabrina and Karlee are two of my three sisters, and Karen is a co-worker

It didn't take long for my whole world to change

On 10/15/09, when it was time for lunch I went to Target with Karen.

One phone call now life will never be the same

I had just walked into Target and Bill called. I ignored, he would call back if it was important.  He immediately called again. I knew something was wrong.

It's like I'm watching my whole world go dark

“Dad collapsed!," Bill cried. I told Karen we need to go, and asked her if she could drive

Nothing makes much sense
What happened? Mom called, dad collapsed, she is following the ambulance, they pulled off the highway.  His heart stopped beating, they got him back, this happened several times.  

But still with all my heart
           My heart was hurting
 
Chorus
I Choose to believe

“We pray and believe”, said Sabrina

And never give up hope
            He can’t die, how will we go on

God is good

All the time

He's in control,

If it is your will to take my father, please make sure you take care of my mom

I'll keep the faith,

But I really want my dad to stay here

I trust in His way,  

I know your way is best even if it hurts us, we will be ok

Even when His face is hard to see,

Where are you? Why has this happened?

I choose to believe,

            “We pray and believe”, said Sabrina

Verse 2
It's easy to believe when everything goes our way

Did I pray today? No  Did I read my bible today? No

But we are all gonna go threw fire to test our faith,

or a blazing inferno, I can't imagine how mom, Bill and Karlee felt as they watched the ER   doctors  
 

Life hurts so much that we can hardly breathe,

Will he live or will he die, why isn’t he waking up?  Are you keeping him asleep on purpose? Yes  When will you stop?  When we can take the breathing tube out.  When will that be?   We don’t know

We're begging to know why,

God, if you are going to take him then do it now, don’t let him suffer, if he get’s to stay, please let him wake up

But it's such a mystery

The doctors don’t understand how he’s still alive

Chorus
I Choose to believe

“We pray and believe”, said Sabrina

And never give up hope
            He can’t die, not until I can say Goodbye

God is good

All the time

He's in control,

If it is your will to take my father, please make sure you take care of my mom

I'll keep the faith,

But I really want my dad to stay here

I trust in His way, 

I know your way is best even if it hurts us, we will be ok

Even when His face is hard to see,

Where are you? Why has this happened?

I choose to believe
              “We pray and believe”, said Sabrina

Even when my world is shaken

The ER doctor told my mom, “ He has a spot on his lung, it’s cancer, and he will die”

Even when my heart is breaking

He has only one artery working and even it is partially blocked

Even when it seems He's taken so long

Daddy, please wake up!  If you can hear me, it’s ok to go home, we can take care of mom, but I would really like you to stay

Chorus
I Choose to believe

“We pray and believe”, said Sabrina

And never give up hope
            He won’t say Goodbye, there is no word in Cherokee for goodbye

God is good

All the time

He's in control,

If it is your will to take my father, please make sure you take care of my mom

I'll keep the faith,

But I really want my dad to stay here

I trust in His way, 

I know your way is best even if it hurts us, we will be ok

Even when His face is hard to see,

Where are you? Why has this happened?

I choose to believe,

            “We pray and believe”, said Sabrina

Chorus
I Choose to believe

We did another x-ray and didn’t see a spot on his lung, we aren’t sure what happened? 

And never give up hope
            I know what happened

God is good

You better believe it

He's in control,

He isn’t done with my dad or any of us

I'll keep the faith,

I should have never doubted, I’m sorry, please forgive me

I trust in His way, 

Because it is the only way

Even when His face is hard to see,

My dad saw heaven

I choose to believe,

And he is telling his story, and even though he is weak, and can’t do what he’d like, God’s plan for him is still in motion.

I choose to believe

Be still and know that I am GOD.  I heard your prayers. I answer prayers.

Jesus, Jesus how I trust Him
How I prove Him over and over
Jesus, Jesus precious Jesus
Over grace to trust Him more

Amen

18.7 lbs

Scott and Bill went to the Lake of the Ozarks to fish in a tournament Saturday.  They did well pre-fishing on Friday, catching 7 keepers.  Saturday they had the same number of fish allowing them to finish in 2nd place.  This makes me think of different places people say they find or think of God.  I asked my dad once why he didn't go to church. He told me that he prefers to experience God by way of nature.  Taking pleasure in the beauty of the outdoors, and knowing that it's God creation.  It got me thinking, outside of church, where do I find God?  I know I can always find him in the Bible, of course, but what other things do I look at in amazement, and the first thing that comes to mind is how great God is.  I'm trying to see him in everything, but as I get bogged down with daily life, leaving the kids at daycare to go to work, I am thankful for things like Joy FM, facebook postings from family far away, and blog updates from others about how they are doing and how God is using them.  I know he is transforming me and my husband, because Colin is starting to insist we pray before and sometimes during our meals!  We must be doing something right.  I love seeing Jesus in my kids.  He is here, he is alive, and messing with us.  I'm ready for a fun adventure in getting to know him more.

Why a blog?

Watch out!   Jaime is now blogging!  I started this blog as a means to keep everyone we care for up to date.  Although, we only have two children, it seems harder and harder to keep up with family and friends, at a time when I feel we need to more than ever.  So why not create a blog, everyone else is.  Heck, I'm surprised it took me this long.  So whether it is to sound off on my latest political rant, discuss the kids, or show you fishing pictures.  Here is where you'll find  it.  Enjoy !