My spot at the VA & A Thank You to Veterans

     During my dad's illness, we made numerous trips to the VA hospital in Columbia, MO.   Sometimes we were in the ER, sometimes the step down unit, and many times the 4th floor.  We got to know so many healthcare professionals at that hospital.  They knew us by name.  We knew them.  Doctors, nurses, and techs; Jamel and Rho to name a few.

     We got to see so many other veterans, say hi, offer food to their families; and they would offer food to us.  Why?  Because the 4th floor waiting room became our residence.   Where we would stay night after night waiting for dad's numbers to return to normal, so he and we could go home.  The furniture in those hospitals are not comfortable.  But this particular chair folded out to a bed.  I slept on it more times than I can count.  Always remembering how uncomfortable it was.   God how I long to be at the VA, in the 4th floor waiting room, in MY spot, because it would mean my daddy was still here.   That's selfish, I know.   I wish it was easy to say, and I try to force myself to mean it when I say it's ok he isn't here.  He is in no more pain.  He is with the Lord, and I am thankful.  I miss him terribly.  But I would give anything to just have one more kiss goodnight, one more nose crinkle, one more "will you shut up", one more time to hear him call  me his yellow butterfly armadillo lady. Just one more.......

     I know we are not made for life on earth, but eternity in Heaven.   I know we are here for the blink of an eye.  I just pray God continues to pick up the pieces of my broken heart and put it back together again.  I'm numb, and I can't stand it.   I am a problem solver; and God put a problem in my path I couldn't solve.  I have no resolve.  I feel like I've failed.  Failed at what I don't know, but failed.  "What if's" and "why didn't I's" keep popping into my mind, and I just can't seem to shake them.  This may seem silly to some, but remembering my spot at the VA just might be a glimpse of or God reminding me; He is saving me a spot in Heaven.  It has to be........it just has to be.

My dad was a Vietnam veteran.  Proud Navy Seabee.

For all the veterans who are well, I thank you.

For all the veterans at the VA, I thank you.

For all those who made the ultimate sacrifice, I thank you.

To all the veterans who stopped to talk and share stories with my dad; or to complain about the travel pay lines......I thank you!

There are not enough words to describe my thanks.

I honor you all.

The Day Purple Became My Favorite Color

My dad went to the hospital January 29th because he began throwing up blood.   Never in a million years did we think the doctor would come back and tell us he has pancreatic cancer.  Never!  We were told he would have 4-6 months with no chemotherapy; and 6-8 with chemotherapy.  However, his body would only be able to handle single agent chemotherapy, and even then his body probably wasn't going to be strong enough to tolerate the chemotherapy.  If you know my dad, you  know without a second to lose; he opted for chemo.   He started chemo; and seemed to be doing ok, just tired and weak.   Well, after a few rounds, we were told it wasn't working.  Again, my dad would not take that outcome; so he tried oral chemo.  He is such a fighter; and strong person to be able to endure what he has.  Oral chemo did not work either.  It is all in God's hands now; and I trust in Him always, even in such a time as this.

About the time he was diagnosed; I got a new grant portfolio at work.  The grant portfolio of one of the nations, and dare I say world's leading pancreatic cancer researchers.  Don't  you just love how God works?   This doctor agreed to meet with me right away; and told me what to expect in the coming months.   

What a gift God gave me; to have access to this kind of information.   To let me play a small part in the role to find a cure for pancreatic cancer.   I'm not stopping.  This is now my fight!

There is an organization I've come to know called the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network.  I decided to register on their website to receive emails and info on the latest events and findings in the field.  I came upon an email that described one of their fundraising events; Purple Stride 2016.

So I decided to start a team; Team Lightning Spirit.  I set a small goal of $1,000, with the mindset it would never be reached.   Fast forward to Sunday.   My team raised almost $7,000 for pancreatic cancer research in my dad's honor.    I am so grateful to all who joined our team and donated.   Words cannot describe the joy and honor it was to have all of you come alongside my family during this terribly difficult time.

The ribbon that denotes pancreatic cancer is Purple.  The event was held in Forest Park on September 25.  Seeing all the set ups, thousands of people, and a sea of purple all to support the survivors and remember those that have been lost.   We laughed, we cried, we danced, and for a brief moment I forgot my dad was sick.  As the day drew to a close; the reality began to appear again.

To me, purple represents the hope I lost in January; and the hope I have found again.  Purple represents the broken hearts and tears of sadness for the lost and tears of joy for those living and continuing the fight. 

I don't understand sickness; or why people have to suffer, but I do  know that The Lord walks with them and my dad every single moment.  He knows what it is like to suffer. No one has suffered more than He has; so there is no better person to help my dad through this.   If we lean on the Lord, we will make it through, as well.  I will continue to trust and continue to pray, and when I see purple, I will be reminded that God understands our pain, hurts with us, loves us, and is with us ALWAYS.  Thanks to all who are loving on my family, and please continue to pray for my dad.