I let things bother me. Too much. I know the bible says not to be anxious; but I find it so hard to apply to my life. Why is that? Why are some parts of scripture so easy to obey and others not? I often allow the enemy to get into my head; to tell me I'm not worthy of God's love. Why do I let him do that. I obsess about certain decisions I have made in my life and how I went about them.
I remember very clearly the day I was baptized. I had several conversations with a dear friend. A friend who would sit with me for hours, if need be, to answer all my questions about God. All the what-ifs. His name is Mike Wallace, and I am forever grateful for his friendship. I remember sitting at work; and just getting this feeling that it was time. Time for me to let go of control of my life and hand it over to the Lord. I called Mike. He called our pastor. They met me for lunch; to make sure I was making a conscience decision. We went to the church. Another dear friend, Tyeece, brought her son. I wanted her there, too. She was also a dear friend, and my boss. Mike baptized me. I remember a feeling of peace come over me; a feeling much like I was standing in a pool of rubbing alcohol, and not water. Like all the bad was fleeing from my body. It was one of the most amazing feelings I had ever had.
Since then, I have gone through good and bad times. Times of distance and closeness to God. I have often questioned myself if that was the right way to do it. Should I have done it during a Sunday service? I'm not sure. But I think God is telling me it is fine. He is telling me to stop obsessing. I had been thinking about it on the way home today; and Matthew 18:20 popped in my head.
"For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst."
Well, there were 4! I feel kind of silly that I obsessed for so many years. Not because there were 4, but because I doubted. I just see him, much as my earthly father does, shaking his head at me, and telling me that is why he is losing hair. And saying, "maybe one of these days, you'll listen to me".
I love you Lord Jesus!!
Amen.
